managing conflict

Hello everyone! Today’s topic is managing conflict! So let us start by defining what conflict is. According to dictionary.com, conflict is “to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash” Does this meaning still appear complex to you? Well, let’s give you a very practical example.
“Hey John! I think it should be like this!” “No Rasmus! I think it should be this” John retorted. As you can see, we are in conflict, we disagree with each others views and we come into collision, so to speak. Another way of understanding what conflict is, is to know how it arises. As you can also see from the above example, conflicts arises when two or more parties have different views, opinions, needs, interests, values or goals. What then does in involve? Also, looking from the example above, it involves disagreements, disputes or quarrels.
What then is management? I have defined that in my 2nd post on anger management. Briefly, management would be to handle, control, manage or direct. For this situation of conflict management, it would be to control and handle the conflict and try to find ways to resolve the conflict.

There are different types of conflict and they are relationship conflicts, data conflicts, interest-based conflicts, structural conflicts and value-based conflicts. Personally, I go through more of relationship conflicts especially with close friends. However, isn’t it intriguing why we experience more conflicts with close friends rather than people we do not know that well? Shouldn’t our closer friends be able to understand us better which in turn should result in lesser disagreements or contradictory views? Well, I am sure this question can be answered by almost anyone. Indeed our closer friends should be able to understand us better and therefore we shouldn’t have contrasting views, however it is because of the closeness of friends that we have high expectations of one another and hence we end up having conflicts as there would be a lot of miscommunication, like for example, one would expect his close friend to know what he wants when he shows a facial expression but that close friend might not notice and hence does not respond to his needs resulting in miscommunication hence resulting in conflict. This happens very often to me and hence this is my opinion of relationship conflicts.

How then should we manage our conflicts? There are four ways of conflict management and they are to avoid, to accommodate, to compromise and to collaborate. Many a times, I would just avoid the conflict, however, I do think that avoiding isn’t the answer because the underlying problem is still not solve and hence something small might trigger that same conflict again. In my opinion, I think the best way to resolve a conflict is to go to the root of the problem and tackle it. This saves a lot of time instead of arguing out one’s cause. In addition, before we accommodate compromise or collaborate (in my view, I think that these are secondary actions) we should first look at the main problem which resulted in the conflict. However, all these are just my opinion. Let us look at the Kare Anderson’s model for conflict Resolution. There are basically four steps involve. Firstly you should tell yourself your main needs. Secondly, you should reach out to find the other person’s main needs, thirdly, you must listen to the other person and lastly you should propose a solution that supports their main needs and yours as well. Therefore the next time you have a conflict with someone, try out the Kare Anderson’s model and see if it works.

Interestingly, there are subtle constructive outcomes of conflict. Many people always feel that conflicts aren’t good and that we shouldn’t have conflicts at all, but guess what; there are constructive outcomes of conflict! Firstly, it improves our self awareness because when we seek to find our main needs, we become more aware of our personality, character, and the way we act and so on. Secondly, it can strengthen relationships. There is this phrase which goes “conflict can either break or make” and for some instances, they make! That is to strengthen relationships. They do so as they deepen and enrich a relationship by making us more aware of problems in our relationships that need to be solved. Since resolving a conflict requires both parties to understand each other, it would enhance mutual understanding between parties. Lastly, it promotes group cohesion. Believe it or not, when a person enters into a conflict with another group, its cohesiveness increases and its sense of identity becomes clearer. Therefore, it promotes the social development of group members by promoting higher levels of cognition and moral reasoning.

In a nutshell, I would like to say that conflict is not that all bad, it might even be good; however, I feel that each and every one of us must know how to manage our conflicts or things can end up really bad, like ties of friendships being severed and many more.

By the way, some definitions and points that I said are taken from my managing conflict notes.